More tea, Ballerina Bunny?
by Sophocles Avagodro
Summary: Paige catches Cole having a tea party www.angelfire.com/weird2/thwackage for a pic of Piper Armadillo and Paige skunk!
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER:  I don't own them, I just like to play with them.

SUMMARY:  Cole has a tea party.

            Cole Turner was a very private and mysterious man, so private and mysterious in fact, that he rarely if ever let anyone outside of his immediate sphere of influence know that he had once been The Source of All Evil.  That wasn't the kind of thing you brought up at the water cooler.

            Cole had, however, another secret, of a more terrifying, bizarre, and horrendous nature.  Unfortunately for him, Paige Matthews was the snoopy type, and when she accidentally stumbled upon his deepest darkest secret, her mouth dropped open in horror.

            "Ballerina Bunny, would you like some more tea?" Cole asked pleasantly.

            "Why thank you, Cole," he responded in a high pitched voice, "I would love some tea, and might I say you are looking very reliable and not evil today."  Paige choked on laughter.  The former Balthazar, the former Source, the scourge of the underworld, breaker of her sister's heart was having a tea party!  Cole was surrounded by stuffed animals: the bunny, a moose, a squirrel, and a buffalo.  Sitting on his lap was a teddy bear wearing pajamas.

            "What about you, Leroy?" Cole asked the moose.

            He deepened his voice into a goofy Bullwinkle impression.  "No thank you, Cole, I'm fine, but let me tell you, you look so buff today."  Cole gave the moose a speculative look.  The last thing he needed was to get into a cross-species/same-sex relationship with a stuffed moose.  

            "Uh, thank you, Leroy," he replied.

            He bent down and whispered something in the teddy bear's ear and then giggled a high pitch giggle.  

            "Can I have some more tea?" he said for the squirrel in a particularly whiny voice.  

            "No," Cole said.  "You may not, Squirrel Phoebe."  The squirrel was wearing a pink wooly hat.  Paige was staring unbelievingly at Cole.  Had he lost his mind?  Then again, the squirrel did kind of look like Phoebe…

TBC… next up, Cole invites Leo to join the tea party


	2. Leo too

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone.

SUMMARY: Leo joins the tea party…hehehehehehe

            Paige gasped as she saw a familiar blue light fill Cole's apartment.  "You have got to be kidding me," she said under her breath, sitting back to watch disbelievingly the epic events occurring before her.

            "Hello Leo," Cole said, gesturing to a chair.  "Would you care to join me?"

            Leo nodded and Paige saw that he was carrying stuffed animals as well.  "Miss Kanga and Piper and I would love to join you," he replied, carefully sitting the armadillo next to her squirrel sister and placing the stuffed kangaroo on his lap.

            "More tea, Leo?" Cole offered politely.

            "Why thank you, Cole," Leo replied, and Cole poured Leo some tea.  

            "Would you like a cookie?" Leo asked the kangaroo.  He put on a Southern accent for the response.

            "Thank you, Leo.  I do declare you look manly and not at all effeminate today," the Southern Belle kangaroo replied.  "And your head is looking very much in proportion to the rest of your body."

            "Leo," Cole said in his Ballerina Bunny voice, "have you noticed how noble Cole is looking today?  Like he can control his evilness, if I do say so myself."

            "Why I noticed the exact same thing,"  Cole said as Leroy Moose said.  "Only I was wondering how he managed to keep his dashing good looks while dealing with his, uh, 'squirrely' problem over there."

            "Sure," Leo said.  "Whatever."

            "Hey!" Cole shrieked in his Phoebe squirrel voice.  "That wasn't very nice."

            "Shut up, Phoebe," everyone in the room said at once, which took a large chunk of time considering that Leo and Cole each had to say it in several voices.

            "Cole," Leo said.  "Would you like to play dress-up?"

            Cole nodded.  "Of course, my good man.  If you'll excuse us, ladies."  They left the stuffed animals sitting at the table.  

            Paige left to get Phoebe and Piper.  They HAD to see this.


	3. Dress Up and Skepticism

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just mess with them.  Hehehehe.

SUMMARY: Piper and Phoebe don't believe Paige.  Meanwhile, Leo and Cole are having a little too much fun…

More tea, Ballerina Bunny?  Chapter Three

            "I'm telling you guys," Paige insisted, "Leo and Cole are at Cole's place, having a friggin' tea party with a bunch of stuffed animals."

            Piper and Phoebe stared at their sister like she was insane.  

            "We're talking about Cole here," Phoebe reminded her.  "Scourge of the underworld?  Yes.  Former source of all evil? Hey, I'm not gonna argue with you on that one, but there is no way that Cole Turner is playing tea party."

            "Piper," Paige whine, hating it that they NEVER trusted her when she told them she was on to something.

            "I've got to say, Paige, I have a hard time picturing Leo and Cole playing together that nicely," Piper said seriously.  It didn't register on either of her sisters that Piper found it more unbelievable that the two were playing together than that her husband was playing tea party at all.

            "I swear, guys," Paige said.  "Just come with me and see."

            Meanwhile, Cole's high pitched giggle made Leo clap his hands in glee.  "Wow Cole," Leo said, "that tiara sure does look nifty on you."  Leo tried to put a tiara on his own head, but his head was unfortunately too wide for the tiara.  He settled instead for wrapping a hot pink pair of women's hose around his head like a turban.

            Before long, they had dressed their stuffed animals up as well, with of course the exception of Phoebe the squirrel and Piper the armadillo, who were both sitting at the table still, pouting over being ignored.

            "What do you think, Miss Kanga?" Leo asked.

            He made the kangaroo respond in her deep southern accent.  "Well I do declare, Leo, that pink turban makes you look even more in proportion than you regularly do, and it emphasizes the manly muscles in your jaw."

            "Why, thank you, Miss Kanga," Leo replied.

            Leroy the moose took his turn complimenting Cole.  "That tiara makes you look like a saintly princess," he said, "in a dark and brooding, good looking, and masculine way of course."  Cole giggled a delighted high pitch giggle when he found a bright pink feather boa.  

            "Hey!  No fair!" Leo said.  "I saw it first!"  Piper was right: the boys weren't playing nicely at all.

TBC (poss.  Depends on reviews.  If you want more, ask for it!) … Piper and Phoebe see the truth, Leo and Cole do makeovers, and the Source joins the fun, along with (maybe) one of those really solem Elder dudes.  Slumber Party!


	4. Makeup Fun

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them; I just question their masculine mystique.  The original idea belongs to Aristotle Freud in More Crumpets?  Franchise rights available only to Fruitcake Alliance members.  To join, email headquarters at fruitcakehq@yahoo.com.    

SUMMARY: Leo and Cole play with makeup; the girls watch.

More tea, Ballerina Bunny?  Chapter Four

            Piper and Phoebe finally allowed Paige to orb them over to Cole's lair.  When they got there, the boys were no longer playing dress up… exactly.

            Cole, wrapped in the pink feather boa and still wearing the tiara, was messily applying makeup to Leo's face.

            Phoebe's mouth dropped open in shock.  Piper choked back a shout of surprise.  Paige smiled triumphantly, and the three charmed ones returned to watching the ridiculous events unfolding before them.

            "Oh, Leo," Leo said in his high pitched Southern Belle voice for the kangaroo.  "You look just dashing with all of that blue eye shadow.  I do declare it brings out the blue in your eyes and the absolute non-appliness of your general facial shape."

            "Why thank you, Miss Kanga," Leo said.  "How kind of you to say so."

            "And you are kind too, Leo," he said in his Miss Kanga voice.  "But in a very masculine, non-wussy way.  I think most people would find your manly pacifism to be a turn on.  And you look so pretty with your magic hat."

            "That kangaroo has a Southern accent," Phoebe whispered, struggling to laugh silently at her sister's husband.  "and does Leo have panty hose on his head?"

            Cole cleared his throat and held a tube of bright pink lipstick menacingly in front of Leo's face.  

            'You, too, are attractive in an absolutely not evil and yet still sexy in a bad boy turned good boy way, Cole" he made the bunny say in a high, squeaky voice.

              "Why thank you, Ballerina Bunny," the former Source of all evil replied.  "I do adore your tutu."

            "It would show off your legs to manly advantage," Cole commented in his bunny voice.  He handed the lipstick to Leo, and Leo, purple eye shadow up to his eyebrows and blush completely covering his face except for the area own by the hot pink lipstick, turned to do Cole's makeup.

            "Why I do believe you two are the prettiest, least evil, least wussy, and most masculine Princesses I have ever seen," Leo made the Kangaroo say.

            Cole grabbed Ballerina Bunny and made her hop towards them.  He took her little paw and waved at Leo.  Leo waved back.

            "I wish I could be as pretty as you, Cole," Cole said in the bunny voice, just as Leo put so much powder on Cole's face that the larger man started to sniffle.

            "Do you need a hankie?" Leo asked.

            Cole shook his head and sneezed a high pitched, petite sneeze.

            Leo continued his makeup job, and when they were done, the two picked up a hand mirror and looked at themselves.  They both sighed happily and batted their eyelashes at the mirror.

            "What next?" Cole asked Leo.

            "Let's play house," Leo suggested.

            "Oh you are so cool, Leo and Cole," the both made their stuffed animals chorus at once.

            "You know," Piper whispered, "I think the bunny has a British accent."  

TBC(possibly.  Review if you'd like to see more)… coming up next, Leo and Cole play house, and the girls get to see their stuffed animal counterparts…then the Source and an Elder, more dressup, and a slumber party.


	5. Playing House

DISCLAIMER: The leprechaun made me do it.

2nd DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way trying to insinuate that Leo and Cole are gay.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to whoever nominated this fic for an "umm…odd fanfic" award.  It won!  On a separate note, I am very sorry for anonymous reviewers who have no sense of the ridiculous due to their bitterness at people not reviewing their so-called "good" fics.  Let me take this opportunity to say *sticking out my tongue* my fanfic won an award, what did yours do?  Honestly, I appreciate your opinions, and as soon as more people tell me that this is NOT funny than tell me it is funny, I'll stop writing it.  

More Tea, Ballerina Bunny? Chapter Five

            Phoebe took in a deep, ragged breath as she was trying to collect herself.  The boys were going to play… house?

            "Oh, this is ridiculous," Piper said, resting a hand on her very pregnant tummy.  "I'm going to stop them."  Phoebe and Paige held her down, and the three of them watched with wide eyes the spectacle in front of them.

            "I get to be the Momma this time," Cole insisted.  "You're always the Momma, Leo."  Leo rolled his eyes.

            "Not always," he said.

            Piper, Paige, and Phoebe were disturbed.

            "Oh!  Momma Cole, Momma Cole, will you read me a story?" Cole said, in the bunny's British accent.

            "Why, certainly, Ballerina Bunny," Cole replied.  Leo wriggled in excitement.

            "Me too?" he asked.

            "Which story do you want?" Cole asked, smoothing down his apron and tilting his head quizzically to the side. 

            "Yes, which story, children?" Leo asked, trying to imitate Cole's head tilt, but unfortunately falling over due to the rather inconvenient proportions of his head.

            "I meant to do that," he said.

            "Of course you did," the Southern kangaroo said.  "You're center of mass is no more vertical than it's supposed to be, Momma Leo, and you're head resembles a perfect circle rather than a red fruit."

            "Why, thank you, Miss Kanga," Leo said.

            "I'm the Momma," Cole reminded Leo, his eyes darkening and an energy ball quivering on the tips of his fingers.

            "Yes," Leo said quickly, "you're the Momma, Cole."

            "Can we hear the story about the three witches who all loved the tall, dark, and masculine stranger but couldn't come to accept it and therefore vanquished him as a way of releasing sexual tension?" Cole made Leroy Moose ask.

            "Why yes," Cole said smiling.  "We can.  This is a story for everyone.  Let me go get Phoebe, Piper, and Paige."

            The three sisters almost gasped out loud.  The boys knew they were there?  

            Cole walked over to the table and picked up the stuffed squirrel and the stuffed armadillo.  "I found Phoebe and Piper," he called to Leo indicating the corresponding stuffed animals as he spoke, "but I can't find Paige." 

            "Oh, she's under the leg of my chair," Leo called back.  "It was uneven, and she was talking way too much."

            Cole tsk-tsked.  He picked up from underneath the chair a stuffed skunk, whose white stripe had been colored orange by a magic marker.

            "Hey!" the real Paige hissed.  Phoebe and Piper both slapped hands over her mouth.

            "Bring Chrissy and Prue while you're at it," Leo said as the kangaroo, "please Momma Cole.  I know they will appreciate the story and the roundness of Momma Leo's head."

            Cole threw an energy bolt in Leo's general direction.  "I'm the Momma," he said.

            "Yes, Momma Cole," Leo said meekly.

            After looking around for a minute, Cole also retrieved Prue, a penguin, and Chrissy Marmot.  

            "Story time!" he called.

            "Oh, Momma Cole," he made Leroy Moose say, "you tell stories in a way that is so distinctly not evil.  I just love it!"

TBC (possibly, review for more)… what happens when the stuffed version of the three sisters and "Chrissy" don't like the story Cole tells.  Slumber party goodness with the Source.


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